FROM FEELINGS OF LOVE TO ANGER IN 3.2 SECONDS…WHAT WENT WRONG?
by Wayne Warrington
It is amazing to me that people can move from an emotional state of love to anger, or even hate, in what appears to be a blink of the eye.
Most of us have experienced this in our life, being either the one shaking their head as to “what just happened?” or the one sitting back with feelings of betrayal or disappointment as to expectations not being met.
I have witnessed this relationship process first hand, as well as having many friends describe to me the 180 degree turn their partner in life has made when it comes to their interaction and feelings towards them. This same roller coaster affect also happens in virtually all forms of relationships, whether in business, family or friendship.
It all comes down to expectations! When the expectations of two people in a close relationship do not match, the partnership path splits. Then comes our reaction to the divergent paths. How do we treat the person who is taking their own road and not living up to our expectation? Do we treat them with love and compassion? Do we see them as human and subject to error and mistake making? Do we think forgiveness is out of the question? Or, do we jump to the conclusion that this person did something on purpose to harm us and therefore we should do the same to them.
As for myself, I have been in several very close personal relationships in my lifetime. Being in my 50s, this is not uncommon in today’s world. When people ask me about my former spouse, or relationships, sometimes they are surprised that I continue to sing their praises and mention that I continue to have love and respect for them. How is this possible to still love or respect someone that you are no longer in a close relationship with? Here is my answer: “My love for them has not changed, but the dynamics of our relationship are different now than they once were.”
I also believe that part of the success known as “happiness” we experience in life comes from our ability to learn and grow to a point of understanding what unconditional love really means. Unconditional love, when you open your heart to someone, is when no matter what happens in the future, your love for that person will always be there, even though the dynamics of the relationship may have changed and you may no longer be in close personal contact with the person.
How is it that I can love everyone that I meet? It comes from my faith and the fact that it is one of the two fundamental rules of life: Loving God first and then loving His children. When someone tells me it is not realistic to love everyone, I remind them that I can love someone while at the same time I do not have to like them or allow them to be an active part of my life.
This goes for virtually anyone we know, including family and those who we at one time considered to be a very close friend or even life partner. When someone in our life becomes disruptive or so negative that we are taken off our path, or pulled away from our purpose in life, it may be necessary for us to limit the interaction. This does not mean we can no longer love them, it simply means we understand the relationship as it stands is not healthy for us.
Our peace and happiness in life is supported by relationships that foster positive interactions. So basically we have to chose wisely the people with whom we surround ourselves with.
The final part of this relationship equation is this. If you are the type of person who reacts to a change in status of a relationship with the understanding that “Your love for them has not changed, but the dynamics of your relationship are different now than they once were.” then please do not spend to much time asking yourself what you did wrong. If you believe that you lived up to your expectations for what the dynamic of the give and take of the relationship required, then you did all you could do. Be honest with yourself, and ask your partner or friend to be honest with you. Then, content in your communication, love will ensue, even if you stop seeing or speaking to one another on a regular basis.
My friends we are here for a purpose, and that purpose includes sharing our hearts and love with those who surround us in thought, word and deed. Life is easy if you understand the rules of the game and then allow unconditional love to be a part of who you are.